The Blog of A Young Man on the Edge of Losing Control

It has been a while but I have decided it’s time to begin blogging again. I can’t really say why I hadn’t kept up with the habit for the past year or so, but part of it involved being blissfully happy in a relationship with a lovely girl. Unfortunately, that ended, and has given me a lot of pause to contemplate and reflect on life, and perhaps is a reason for this resurrection.

 

That being said, you can imagine that the first blog back after a long absence, which was partially due to a relationship, would be filled with vehemence and bile towards the other person. I don’t have any feelings like this at all towards my ex, and it is beneath me to convey that publicly here.

 

However, that being said, being tossed back into the singles pool made me realise something rather, I think, interesting, about the subject of many of my past blogs; the subject of the modern gentleman and chivalry.

 

It must be said that part of that interest in chivalry and being a gentlemen came from the fact that I wanted a woman in my life, but not just anybody. I wanted somebody who would help me grow and flourish as a person, and I am delighted to say that, chivalry and being a gentleman, in that past instance, worked a treat!

 

But, when it came to the point where the relationship ended, it left me asking myself a big question, when it came to that aspect. What is the point? What is the point of being a gentleman, treating women not just with respect, but being chivalrous towards them, if the relationship you want is to end?

 

Now, obviously, you can’t say that how you act will determine the length of your relationship. Relationships are very complex things, even the short ones, and have many influencing factors. But when you feel that, as a person, you couldn’t have treated that person with any more respect and dignity that, I think, only a gentleman can treat a woman, you do find yourself asking yourself ‘why do I put such an effort into being that way, living that life?’

 

Pondering this; I realised that being a gentleman is 10% about how you act towards women, and 90% about what you say about yourself.

 

If I were now to stop conducting myself the way I had for my ex, in all areas of life, how would that reflect on me? Would I maintain my own image? Would I retain the respect of my friends, family and peers? The answer is no.

 

I realised that while being a gentleman was a huge part of the image I tried to portray of myself with my ex, and I hope that is what she saw, it wasn’t merely a show for her, so that I could have a relationship with her. But for some reason, when it all ended, I did not think this. I thought that it was solely for this reason that gentlemen lived this life.

 

If I were to stop now, living this way, my whole world would change. Not just the female company I might keep in the future (assuredly being a much lower, and don’t judge me for saying so) class of person than who I would date as a gentleman, but just about everything else. My personal discipline, my tolerance for other people, my joie de vive. All that would change and probably leave me a bitter husk of a person.

 

I guess what I am getting at is that as a gentleman, if you truly strive to live like this, once you start, you cannot stop. If you start conducting yourself with a lack of manners, decorum, respect and personal dignity, you lose face and respect much faster than the person who does not conducted themselves with the same levels as this.

 

I don’t wish to paint all this as an elitist outlook, however, I will say that when you pursue this lifestyle, you are actively trying to portray yourself the best possible way, at all times.

 

Now, I am ashamed to say, that since the end of my relationship, I haven’t done a very good job at being a gentleman. One dimensionally, the reader could see that and think ‘Ahha! He has been trying to shag lots of loose women instead of trying to take them out for dinner or a stroll by the lake.’

 

Indeed, this isn’t the case. In fact, when I say I have been a poor gentleman of late, it has had nothing to do with women frankly, in fact they are not part of my pursuits at all right now.

 

But, it is to say that my interpersonal conduct has been rather poor for my own standards. I can think of many examples, particularly in the past two weeks, when I’ve been living in conditions of higher fatigue and stress than my normal life, that these faults of mine have been exacerbated.

 

And that has reminded me of my previous pursuit of gentlemanliness and it truly made me feel ashamed, because it was the realisation that this conduct of chivalry was much deeper than the relatively shallow goal of trying to meet women, even if it was to find a particular one (yeah, The One) woman.

 

I realised that being a gentleman is how you treat all people. People, whom you might not like or respect, people with whom you don’t see eye to eye with, and even people who might harbour contempt towards you. If you treat them as a gentleman would, exhibiting at least personal respect and dignity, then you can do no more, you have oiled your end of the working parts of the machine, the ball is in their court.

 

But, if you don’t (and it is worse if you used to), then it exhibits a low form of conduct that people who are enlightened would balk at.

 

This was a particularly long way of saying ‘being a gent isn’t about women, it’s about dignity’. But I felt that I needed to address it.

 

Of course, if you conduct yourself this way, then you should meet women of the type in which you seek, but they shouldn’t be the objective. The peace of mind that treating people well brings is the reward unto itself. And it is a shame that that is something that isn’t considered when people hear the word ‘gentleman.’

 

 

An admin point.

 

While I do not have nearly as much time as I used to to blog, I am going to make a serious effort to get back into the habit.